feel wan to die.....

i have watch a drama, inside have a character,
a gal love life is very similar with me..
i watch the drama to ease my preasure..
to fill up my spaces in my life,

my love life...well..my heart still full of him..
with the presure of work, family..
and the pain of missing him..
i wonder how can i survive from all this..

all things need to blame myself..
as im the one suggest to breakoff...
now im hide myself in pain...
really me padan muka ler...
haih...

i need to be positive..be positive...
even cry, how hard n less sleep..
i also need to go through all this hard stage..
be patient..calm my mind...
sorry to the macdonald..
even though i dislike the way he do..
but i should not loose my temper on him..

im so sorry....im understand tat he have his own principles..
he says have to be straight way..
i really wan to..but i think of so many way..
it did not works and even make us in trouble..
at first when im new in corporate world..
im also think the same..
but...we cannot be too straight sometimes..
i really cannot take it anymore..
i need to finish up my work..

i did not kill anymore or make sombody life miserable..
but its just not that ethical...oni one time
for the sake of finish the work
client n bos will be happy..
win win strategy...

my brain full of this complicated things...
left brain think of works...
right brain think of assignment, research, wordings..
middle..the most important part of my brain..
thinking of him..

really wonder..i have serious relationship for twice..
but this guy...i mean my love for this guy..
never fade...y never fade...
still keep the love stone he give me..
he ask me to touch the stone when i miss him..
it will like see him in real...

but i din touch the stone...
i close my eyes...can remember his handsome n stupid face..
well..he look stupid n cute sometimes..hehe
im still miss the moment we have in the mines lake..
we sit there for lake view, waiting the waves come..
we hug n kiss together..yummy....hehe
when raining tat time, we sit under the hut..
hugging each other and see the rainbow...

its the perfect picture for me..
it the pic tat we saw at the puzzles shop...
tat i so sad that i do not have the perfect picture in my life...
but now i do have..its always keep in my heart..
im really love you...

very very love you...i dun wan see u hurt coz of me..
we always fight..quarrel...
we not sincere with each other
u have problem did not tell me...
i have problem keep on make u worry coz of my problem..
this make us have the gap between us...
you did not trust me..
and make like eventhough we so near
but yet feel like so far....
im so san fu....really san fu....

after i have apart with u..
im more san fu..san fu till now eventhough 2 years aledi.
my love for u never fade..
i miss u so much...
dying want to be back with u...
really wan it...but is it possible
its there a hope..
my heart so pain now...dying want to see u..
want to sms u...
wan to call you, listen to ur voice...
but i have no courage to do so....
im so useless....

my mind now thinking of return the love stone, necklace n the music box to u...i errmmm...so miss u.........my goodness..
wat happen to me ler...wat happen...

if i saw u with other gal, get married
i will be so sad...so sad...terribly sad...
but i will wisu u happy always...
from the true of my heart...
i might will end my life after that..
even now im so suffer...
i cant imagine wat will it be...

end my life is a good choice
im really down...nothing happy things
feel so depress...
make me dun want to stay in this world..
now really want to end my life now.
im cannot tahan anymore...