Not feeling well...

Here i am..here doing blogging, surfing and doing research for my assignment...

very much in pain..i mean stomach pain...feel very not well..and my back ache coming again..

adoi...suddenly feel so old..despite all the pain n pressure i have in my work..

my mind always popup his image, his back view...he...all the time...what is so great about this guy? nah....wonder y ar...y always think of him...hmm..its a puzzle... haha...or maybe its just simple..love him very muchiieee..

well to ease my pain of all this...i listening the song 'waiting for you'...haha..wat a nice song...

Hope you sleeping with a nice dream and have a very good day ahead... :)

Better?

Well, more than a week..my emotion a bit of better n stabilize. im really useless rite, im always said i dun mine, im ok, im open and can take it very easy. But my heart pain like shit, still very miss him. After seeing him, i feel so lost. My heart so pain....im become so silent again and do things usually i wun do..

scary hah, luckily u not know me in person. ..my heart still have in and i want him back so badly. But i know, im not good enuff for him. If i back together with him, i scare that i will hurt him again. I dun want to hurt him as im so love him. But of coz u will ask me, y u want to hurt him anyway..
Of coz i wun hurt him purposely, it juz sometimes might a small things like i did not know it hurt him, but i really hurt him. Complicated? hmm..yeah..my mind always very complicated.

Thats y most of the time, i should not be sad but coz my complicated mind make easy things become very complicated and im sad of the fact that i twisted it. My complicated mind also have hurted him. I dun want to be like tat again. Just wan him to be happy, he is happy now without me.. and i happy if u know he truely happy. When i stare at his eyes, im still see the hope we can be together. He give me a warm smile even though we have break off for 2 years.

Im really wonder did he feel sad when he met 2 ex gf together ....pity him, if i know she show up, i wun show up together...im not coward or wat, just dun wan him to feel so bad...well, if i were her, i wun bring bf together if know that u will met exbf... Dun misunderstand me, just dun want both parties feel arkward. And i dun wan him to be hurt. Unless he bring gf together too..

Hope he is fine...but i see sadness in his eye..maybe im too sensitive. But i know the gal saw me, like well...enemy. But i smile to her, i did not felt that im curi his bf or wat..me is me...just its my mistake to be with him so fast..i should have wait....

now everyone is sad....i hope next time i meet him, i will recover faster and my emotion will not effect on my studies and exam... as i know its 0% i will be back to him...as he dun wan me...this is the fact..huhuhu... wat a sad story...

H.I.M

well..another sad and moody for me,
just now i have saw a word from the Tv,
it say "why want to lie to yourself?",
yes..i really cant lie to myself..

yesterday, i have my fren ask me,
how you felt?
Still cannot forget about him?
i answer, well its just ok for me,
just fren between us...that time he just sit opposite of me
feel very comfortable and i can feel myself alife back,
when he stand up and wave goodbye,
my heart suddenly feel pain,
more pain when only see his back while he walk off,,

what happen to me, i really tot i can forget about him,
can be normal frens, am i lying to myself..
maybe i am...my heart still have him,
many ppl ask me, am i still love him,
i answer no...but..
the truth is im more love him compare when we together that time..

weird hah..oh my gosh..
i really dunno wat happen to me
when we met again, seems like have those days of feeling,
feel so close, feel like myself..
feel happy, feel wan to hug him...
but keep on telling myself,
cannot hug him, he no more longer is mine..

haih..so sad..he not mine...
but want have him to be mine...
but he dun wan me...
im dissapointed him so much,
he wun want me back...

haih its one of the flaw of my life.
so miss him..
after see him..my heart so painful..
the most painful is,
when sit beside him, miss him so much but cant have him..
haih....my world always in sadness...

im always here for you, love u always
my heart only have you
unable to accept other guys into my heart...